Sleeping Ladybug

Xuanie discovered a dead ladybug just outside our window today. Excitedly, he came to me and led me towards the window. I said, “oh, the ladybug died, because it’s so cold, and she didn’t wear any winter coat.” I should not have mentioned death. But, Xuanie has no concept of death yet. Right after hearing what I said, he made a “kuuzzzzz” sound that’s like the sound of snoring, which is Xuanie’s word for “sleep.” Then he wanted to grab my sweater and said, “bei bei” (blanket) and “Jia-ke” (jacket). He wanted to make sure the ladybug is not freezing. 

His love for ladybugs was established this past summer, when there were plenty of them in the gardens of his grandparents. He loves to have them crawl on his hand, and he always has an eye that’s on the look-out for them.

Near car crash

I’m sure there are times when you avoided a bad thing and felt very strongly that the person who got it somehow took your place, that it could very well have been you. Last Sat, I was in Cambridge, MA and safely missed a bad crash from a car that probably beat the red light. With my driving skills, I know God has always been protecting me. This time felt especially memorable because it felt as if the car that was involved in the accident did something unfathomable before it happened, as if it was arranged for him to take the crash for me.

So, I was driving on Mass. Ave towards Harvard Sq. There was a super sleek black Lexus RX330 in front of me. I remember noticing it because it looked like the driver just drove out of a showroom as it looked so sparkling new. A SUV/mini-van was in front of him, moving like a snail. At a junction, the Lexus decided to go to the left lane in an attempt to overtake that snail. I was like, hello, that’s a left-turn only lane! Well, so that freed up a spot for me and I drove up right behind that snail. Of course, the Lexus had to swerve back and got behind me since he was not turning left.

At the next junction, all of us three protagonists passed through the light. Traffic slowed down then. All of a sudden, I heard a very loud BANG (really loud). For a split second, everyone in the car (maybe except for Xuanie) thought we got hit. I looked up at the rear-view mirror and saw that it was the black Lexus that got rear bumped. I hastily sped up and drove away from trouble. In my heart, I was thinking how sad it must be for that sleek and sparkling black Lexus. Ouch. (My friend seated next to me later told me he saw that the car that crashed into the Lexus had his front/hood all busted up.)

Luck. Coincidence. Whatever people like to think. For me, I feel it’s God’s protection. (Why would someone go onto a left-turn only lane to make space for me, and then come back in the lane behind me?)

Remembering Baby P

I am deeply saddened by the case of Baby P. , the 17-month toddler in UK, who died after a year of abuse from his mother, her boyfriend and a lodger at her home. How could doctors who examined him across all these months fail to detect the bruises, broken ribs, cuts, nappy rash etc?!! How could social workers who visited the home, often covered with faeces and in complete disarray, declare that they are content with the protection plan for the toddler? What about neighbors, didn’t they ever wonder why a baby should be in blood-stained clothes??? There are a couple of whistle-blowers along the way, who saw that the poor baby was dying at his mother’s hands, but the society is so into political correctness and bureaucracy that nothing could be done. As one news article says, this case is a good example that mothers do not always know best.

How could a mother inflict such harm, to her own baby and allow others to do the same??? How could anyone human even think of inflicting harm on any baby, whether one’s own or not??? It’s a worse evil is to smear the baby with chocolate to hide his wounds. 

It’s a sad sad world. I hope there can be more whistle-blowers and busybodies, who are not afraid of trouble.

Not everyone is fit to be a parent. Sometimes, we need to see to it that such people have their babies taken away from them to a place with better care.

Super-moms

I. is a mom I know from a playgroup. She’s a very kind lady, always generous with sharing the products of her wonderful culinary endeavors and Xuanie often leaves her home with a little toy or something, handed down by her son. As far as I know and witnessed, her husband is a complete “hands-off” dad. As I. said, in all her son’s 3 years, the husband has never been awakened by the baby’s cries at night, needless to say getting up to help the wife with caring for the child. Of course, his presence was much missed in the immediate days following the childbirth, when the new mother needed much care and help.

There are many great mothers out there like I.. A lot of them are not high profile people, with no career nor very many associations with anyone significant. A lot of them are stay-home moms who take care of their children 24/7, with no downtime. Such a life can cause one to become dull, in our minds and in our appearance. Sometimes, we just lose it, and yell at our kids. The Chinese has a phrase for such women: 黄脸婆 (yellow-faced women). 

Over the years, of course some of them even lose their husbands who find it hard to love such women. When I think of such women, I only hope their children will appreciate these early years when their moms sacrificed so much for them. Of course, for the most part, these babies will grow up without much memory of these early years. When they are more grown up, they may see their moms only as non-illustrious, even grouchy and jaded. No matter what, try to understand that these moms love their children more than themselves, and for that, they deserve love and respect.

Cars . . . these are the cars

US$1 each – from the dollar store. He likes them above all other fancy cars. Good start. I hope he’s never ever going to be one of those who need to drive Ferraris or Lamborghinis to feel good. 

Xuanie's favorite cars

Hurting a child’s feelings

I believe I sometimes hurt Xuanie’s feelings. Not just those times when I yelled at him and made him cry. Even times when he didn’t react to my actions immediately. I might have done something like that last night.

He has two favorites cars (yea, not even his McQueen or Tow Mater can beat them). He likes to have them with him almost all the time. Last night, as usual, he was super-high and happy because he was dead tired. He was walking around, laughing and behaving silly. I held him down on the mattress quite a few times. I noticed that his two cars were on the bed, and I always fear he would get hurt if he turns and lie on them, for they are made of hard plastic materials. I hastily threw the cars to the side of the bed.

Later on, when Xuanie was lying fast asleep, I noticed the two cars right by his side. He must have gone to pick them up and put them right by him while I looked away, or went away to do something else. I might have hurt his feelings when I threw the cars to the side (in frustration). Little Xuanie didn’t react right away, but his little mind must be thinking he really wanted the cars with him. Awwww.

I hope to be a mom who’s not afraid to apologize to my son if I am in the wrong. No, he’s not going to be the boss but he is a human being to be respected, and I am not going to think he’s going to become unruly or that he will not respect me just because I am one mom who dares to say “I’m sorry.”

As an aside, I remember the moment he was introduced to the congregation at the end of the service during the spiritual convocation at which he was baptized (Sept 2007). He was introduced as “Brother Oscar.” At that moment, I told myself that yes, he’s a church brother, and I have to show him respect for He is also a child of God.

Weaning (Success)

I think I have successfully weaned Xuanie. 

It started out with taking him out all day during the day, when he was about 22 months, to give him ample distraction. After about 2 weeks, he stopped asking to nurse, even when I held him close to me, at daytime.  There were occasional laspses though.

The hard part was the after-shower-before-bed-time one as that’s the biggest (almost only) incentive to lure the little water baby out of the water. Of course, he continued to wake up in the middle of the night. And, first thing in the morning, as far as he is concerned, it’s “nai nai” time.

2 nights ago, I showed him my sore nipple and told him it’s because he’s such big baby now, and he’s still taking so much nai-nai from mama. He was so upset with himself and he just kissed me, and did not dare to take in any milk. Of course, that night, he woke up in the middle of the night and put up a fight still. Last night, he asked but took my refusal with a smile. This morning, he understood that his “nai nai” days are over.

It was easier than I thought. 24 months and 10 days. I’m gonna miss nursing him and him looking up and smiling at me. From a teeny little babe held with my two hands, to a big baby who can help himself to the milk, it’s been a bitter-sweet long journey for me. For him, I am happy that he’s slowly maturing, to be able to soothe himself and calm down without nai-nai.

I am happy he still wants him to hug him and lie in my bosom to go to sleep. He’s till my baby. And will always be. And, I will be his mama, to give him my best, always.

Lovey-dovey (& Modeling)

One sister in church commented to me that her daughter never liked kissing nor is she outwardly affectionate, and asked if Xuanie is the type that shows his affection. She said her daughter is the “wild” and independent type. I know that children’s personalities will change as they grow, but to a certain extent, from their inclinations at this young age we can perhaps glimpse into what they will become.

Yes, Xuanie is affectionate and with me, he is definitely outwardly so. Of course, now that he’s older, he has stopped coming up to kiss me to make peace whenever I showed him I am mad at him. But, he’s always coming up to stroke my hair, and helps me “straighten out” my clothes, touching my face . . . just like the way I get him dressed. If I tell him I got hurt, he would kiss me and gently touch the spot where it hurts. He especiallly likes to help me put on my shoes, and to touch the tip of the shoes, to make sure the shoes are not too tight for me.

It’s so sweet to see him do all these things. It also reinforced the idea that children really do take in what their parents do.

An aside: Some marketing agency has been trying very hard (4 calls in 3 days) to get me to sign up for their marketing plan to get Xuanie to become a model. Alas, I don’t want to spend money on such vain gimmicks. However, if there’s anyone out there who can actually offer Xuanie a real contract to model for some respectable products, come on over!

Xuanie’s 2nd birthday

Well, the birthday came and went. Nothing too special. Made cupcakes for his teachers and school friends. Got two fruit tarts for him as we couldn’t find any good cake, and I was too lazy to make another cake after all those cup-cakes. To Xuanie, it does not really mean anything, birthdays. He understood that after blowing the candles, he is not supposed to have “nai nai” (nurse). But, when the addiction gets to him, he wails and cries like he never understood nor agreed to the pact.

Years ago, I heard a theory in church that one should not celebrate one’s birthday as it is a form of self-glorification. Years later, present day me disagrees. One can be pompous and egoistic without celebrating one’s birthday. One can have a good party on one’s birthday and still be a good humble person before God and man. It’s a lot to do with what one does and what is going on in one’s mind and head. Sweeping, didactic theories often really carry no meaning and can be misleading. I would let Xuanie have a nice little party if he wants to when he’s older. Not this year since he’s still so little.

Two years – how my life has changed, how my temperament has changed (or ugly sides surfaced?), how much I have learned . . .

Saw something on someone’s blog: We thought we knew love . . . till we feel how we love our babies. Motherhood does amazing things to one’s heart. I never knew I was capable of so much love until Xuanie came into my life. Thank you Lord, for this wonderful little big present!

May God’s peace & comfort rule in your heart

Yesterday, Mama prayed for you, that you may be comforted and at peace when in school. I prayed that God’s presence will be felt in your little heart, that even though you are so little, and does not quite know who God is just yet, you will sense and feel Him in your life. After all, He is going to be the real peace and comfort for you the rest of your life on earth.

I’m happy to hear that you enjoyed yourself a little at school today, and for the first time, you actually ate lunch. I’m going to pray for you always. I need to learn to worry less for you, and pray more instead.

Just thought of this verse here, may it become one of your favorite “memory” verses that always stays in your heart: “Let the peace of God rule in your hearts . . . and be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15)