Counting down to 2009

Life continues as the new year is being heralded in. It’s not as if things come to a sudden cusp in time when midnight strikes on each Jan 1st of every new year. Nevertheless, it’s always a time for reflection and hopes, a time for a little prayer.

Among other things, I hope for a year of less violence and less evil. Maybe motherhood has made me more aware of the many perils and perversities done in different lands, to children, to grown-ups. I wish for a peaceful future (and present), for the sake of my child, and others’ children. At times, knowledge and thoughts of these big troubles in the world make me realize how petty so many things can be – others’ bad-mouthing, rude people etc. Reminds me to just brush off such people of questionable character. Reminds me to at least pray for those who are in real trouble, even when I am in a land unaffected.

I’m reminded of a song that inspired much great thoughts in me when I was in high school/secondary school. Have not forgotten this song all these years. It’s part of my prayer for the coming new year. And, in small capacities, I hope that myself, and my true friends, will do our part for peace.

A SONG OF PEACE

This is my song,

O God of all the nations,

A song of peace

For lands afar and mine.

This is my home,

My country where my heart is,

Here are my hopes, my dreams, my family,

But other hearts in other lands are beating,

With hopes and dreams

As high and true as mine

 

My country’s skies

Are bluer than the ocean,

And sunlight beams

On clover, leaf and pine.

But the other lands

Have sunlight too, and clover,

And skies are everywhere

As blue as mine.

 

O hear my song,

Thou God of all the nations,

A song of peace for their land and mine.

 

Music: FINLANDIA, Jean Sibelius 
Words: Lloyd Stone, Georgia Harkness, Bryan Jeffrey Leech 
Copyright 1930 by Breitkopf and Haertel, 1934, 1962, 1964 by Lorenz Publishing 
1976 by Fred Bock Music Company 

While I was away . . .

Here’re some snippets of reports of how Xuanie coped with Mama’s first trip away from him:

One the first day, he cried and cried, and kept pulling his dad to the door, wanting to go out to look for mama.

Subsequent days, having been told not to cry, he was spotted breaking into tears quietly/secretly in different corners of the apartment, mumbling “mama, mama.” He would stare at books for long stretches of time, and whenever papa approached, he would say, “no, papa, go.”

His emotional maturity scares me sometimes. He’s so careful not to infringe on others with his emotions. He’s only 25 months.

May God bless this mature little baby.

Mama’s back, all’s back to normal. He’s a happy baby again. (Now, I need to do something about his weight loss. Apparently, no one else in this family is as obsessed as I am about making sure he gets food. X’s default reaction to food and drink is “no.”)

See u soon my dearest Xuan!

I decided not to send X. to daycare today. So, he came along with us to the airport. We stopped by the gas station near our house to get gas. I had a little moment with X., reiterating again that I will be missing him, and that I will be back after 3 nights. He knew what I meant, and wanted me to hold on to his two favorite cars.

All morning, he was a little cranky, but all the time wanting me to hold him. And, he spend a great deal of time trying to figure out how to help me with the luggage, especially to drag it.

He fell asleep on the hour-long drive to the airport, waking up for a split second when we arrived. But, he dozed off again, and I gave him a little peck on his nose while he slept. 

I’m always edgy when I travel. I always pray for a safe trip so I can come home, to be with those I love. I pray for a safe trip, and so I can see my little Xuanie again soon, and that he can have Mama with him again soon.

Puss.

Separation Anxiety

I’ll be leaving for So. Cal. in 2 days for a literary ministry seminar. Will be gone for 4 days, including travel time. It’ll be my first time away from Xuanie overnight. 6 hours in daycare is probably the longest I have ever been away from him, since he was 7 months, when I stopped working.

Previously I was worried he may not be weaned by this time. Now that he’s weaned, I am still worried. He’s caught some flu virus from the daycare (again) and have not been well since Sunday. I hope he gets much better by Thurs, for it will be doubly hard for him to have to deal with both physical discomfort and emotional distress of not seeing me when he gets home from daycare.

I have been prepping him, telling me I am going to take a plane, and papa will be with him, and then after 3 nights I will be back. Not sure how much he understands, for he simply smiles each time I tell him.

I have also drafted a menu of all the meals and snacks he will need, so his papa can feed him properly. This evening, I started making his dinners for the days I will be gone, and freezing them.

Maybe I’m the one that will not survive the short separation.

When u feel down

Whether it’s because of failed expectations, nasty people, uncontrollable circumstances …. just life itself, ha, ha.

Still, life must go on. One must do what needs to be done, in a nice way, in a responsible way, in a professional way. It’s ok to feel down.

I have friends who say they absolutely do not want any unhappy thoughts penned down on their blogs. I think it’s fine. If Little X. ever reads this blog, which is for him, it’s good for him to understand that life has its ups and downs. It’s natural. But you gotta do what you gotta do, and as best as you can, and do it knowing that it’s important to rejoice in the Lord always. (Phil 3:4).

“See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1Thess 5:15 – 18).

Love, Mama

May you always have much joy and many smiles!

My wish for you: That you are loved.

Y. is a very dear friend and sister. We’ve been friends forever, from the time when we both were wide-eyed, naive young girls, full of aspirations and dreams about life.

A few days ago, she wrote in an email to me, that her wish for me is that I am loved. 被爱 – to be loved. It takes a real friend to wish that of another. Thank you, Y. I wish that for you too.

And, I wish for Little X. that he will be loved, by me, by his father, by the extended family, by most other people he will meet later on in life. Most importantly, by God.

P.S. – Oh, and that Little X. will know to love and take good care of himself, knowing that he is a beautiful creation of God, who brought so much joy to so many people, especially his mama.

Snow

It’s gotten cold enough now for snow to stay on the ground. The first snow this year came some 2 weeks ago. But, finally, the whole area is now snow covered. Xuanie knows that his Swedish grandma is coming to visit soon. We told him, “when it snows.” Now, he keeps going to the window looking out to the snow and says, “nai nai.”

It’s going to be his 3rd Christmas.

Special note: My church does not “celebrate” Christmas, partly because of its paganistic origins and doctrinally, it does not have any Biblical roots. Christmas to many Europeans, however, is an occasion for family reunion. Religion has absolutely no place in this event. Most people who live away from their families would go home, or close friends would gather. It’s almost like Thanksgiving here in the US, or Chinese New Year in Chinese societies. I look forward to Christmas. It’s a warm and cosy day where close ones gather to have a good meal, and (for some) exchange presents. It’s nice to have something warm and cosy to look forward to in dark cold dreary winter days.

Reason for tears

A 2-year old’s world is simple and pure. Mama is his greatest pre-occupation and joy. Each time Xuanie sees a picture of someone crying, whether on TV or in books or elsewhere, he makes the sign of crying (pointer finger stroking his cheeks in a downward direction) and then goes, “Mama” with his hands stretched out and palms open, and shakes his head. Of course, nowadays, as he speaks more and more, he says, “ku” (cry). In his little mind, the saddest thing is to not have mama around him.

That’s why I really thank God that He preserves my earthly life so Xuanie has me to love him and care for him as he grows up. It’s nothing morbid, just plain simple gratitude to God for life and protection each day.

I also wish that every child born will have someone to love him/her and to have care and protection, anywhere in the world.

Peace in God in perilous times

“The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise Him, my father’s God and I will exalt Him.” (Ex 15:2)

We live in a perverse and chaotic world today. Painful news of suffering caused by senseless doings of misguided people can be heard everyday. Yesterday, I read about Baby Moshe, the orphan of the Jewish rabbi found crying next to the bodies of his parents who were shot by senseless militants who went on a killing rampage in Mumbai. He just turned 2, and oh, the sorrows he’s witnessed. At his parents’ memorial service, he was crying for his mother (who will never show up again for him).

As a mom, I want a better world, a more peaceful world for Xuanie, and for all other little ones who will grow up to be the future of today’s world. I always thank God that Xuanie has a mama and papa to love and take care of him as he grows. And, of course I thank God that I have Xuanie to grow old with. What tomorrow holds, we don’t know. But, I pray that Xuanie will always have peace because of God. May you always have a song towards God in your heart, whether in sorrowful tunes or happy lyrics. For when God is revered and worshipped no matter what happens, you shall find strength and salvation. 

God is not just a God for us to pray and ask for things. We often equate miracles or good happenings from prayers with good faith. We forget that God is God, and He is to be praised under all circumstances. It’s OK to cry to him in tears, to question, for with a sincere heart, all tears will find resolutions and peace. (That’s my lesson from last Sat’s sermon.)

As an aside, D. mentioned during his visit that a good sermon is one that echoes in your heart after you walk out of the chapel. Alas, so many sermons today have no such power. Yet, there are still those that stuck in my heart, even year after year . . . it’s important to have those messages in our hearts. It’s important to hold God’s words in our hearts, and have them echo in our hearts. The words of God will grant us the peace we need in perilous times.