Comment on my post

Sometime back, I posted a note about the death of a child at daycare when a teacher assistant lost her temper and hurled him to the ground. I received a comment from someone who happen to read that entry, probably by googling “daycare” (?).  She commented that  she “cannot stand” reading such stuff because she is not an “angry person.”

I believe that you need to feel emotions if you want to ever effect any justice or improvements, in anything. Being angry does not mean you go out and beat up people. Journalists write about many a suffering in worlds we do not know about except through reading because they feel for what they know and see. Readers can then get themselves into action and be involved if possible.

Just because one does not write about sad happenings does not mean those things don’t exist. And, people who write about unfortunate events are not necessarily bitter people who do not know how to appreciate good things in life.

Good things, such as great teachers at a great pre-school … Xuanie started pre-school 3 days ago. It was a great first day for him. More will be reported, I believe. Positive things, just so people who chance upon *my* blog will not need to “run a mile” to get unhappy pictures out of their heads.

BTW, I reflect upon my failures to be a better mom everyday. Still, I thank God that Xuanie is a very happy child. He goes places/countries with me/husband. He’s not cooped up at home everyday being told that this world is a sad sad world.

Everyone who’s met him expressed how happy and healthy emotionally he is.  That’s what I want him to be, happy. I try, I will do my best. But, I am not someone who can always pretend that we live in utopia. I’m someone who sees unhappy things, but always move on to try to make positive things out of them.

If you do not know me, please do not jump to conclusions about me just from one post.

What is this?

At 28 months, Xuanie started asking “What is this” when he sees a new thing that he does not previously know. That’s a milestone in development for me. I’m happy he feels close enough to me to ask, and that he’s interested in the world around him. I hope he’ll always be a little detective!

My Facebook account is simply screwed up, and I can’t post any more pics over there. I guess I will upload some of the pics we took last week in West Malaysia here. (Oops, just realized I did try to upload pics here, but WordPress.com does not seem to agree with my brother’s computer, which is the only one I have to use here in S’pore.)

Perils of being a stay-home mom

Last night, I slept for 4 hours, from 10 p.m to 1 a.m. The harder I try to get back to sleep, surprise, surprise, the more impossible it is. At 3 a.m., I resorted to downing some wine given by my aunt. I was a little sedated but no sleep as my mind whirled over the failures of the day which are not necessarily unique to yesterday.

It is so stressful with a hyper and REALLY mischievious toddler. He loves to dash across roads no matter how hard I try to grab on to him. He loves to push his stroller instead of being in it, and enjoys pushing it by the edge of heavy traffic. When he wants something, he must have it or he’ll scream my ears deaf. Yesterday, I yelled at him in public, and over the course of the day, did many more things that make him confused and sad, and I end up thinking I am out of control, or even pyschopathic.

It helps when CL called and told me she was a “crazy” mom herself when her daughter was younger. It helps when I think of a couple of other girlfriends who have told me their own horror stories. Nevertheless, it still adds to the sense of helplessness and failure that is increasing by the day.

A young man I know once blogged that every sister in church should aspire to be stay-at-home-moms. Alas, not everyone is cut out to be that. In fact, many women thrive only when they can have their own life outside of the home – having an income (any amount), friends . . . the children and they themselves will have more quality time together.

Once I played a game on Yahoo with a stay-home-mom. Xuanie was in daycare, and I often treat myself to a game and just one game per day. That mom had her 14-month son in front of the TV, and wanted to play another game when our game was over. I declined and told her my quota is up, and that her 14-month old probably needs her. I’m no moral superior here, for I know how life can become a drudgery when one is home alone with her children for most of her waking (and even sleeping) life. That type of drudgery can make a woman dull and unlovable. It takes a lot of strength and the right type of personality to get social for herself and the children. Even with that, one has to be in the right location, in the right company etc. Not everyone can be a virtuously sweet stay-at-home-mother.

So, I stayed awake till past 4 a.m. ruminating over my decreasing social circle, increasing neuroticism . . . So, I decided to pray, and made a couple of decisions to help things, help myself. Not that I have not thought about them, but it’s good to be reminded, and hopefully, I can get into action.

Training of teachers at daycare centers

Here’s an excerpt from an article on daycare teachers’ training:

The death of 16 month old Benjamin Kingan on January 14, at the Minee Subee in Lincolnshire, raises concerns about the level of training day-care workers receive. A parent and co-worker raised concerns about the suspect, Melissa Calusinski, when she worked at an Arlington Heights daycare location. No apparent follow-up was provided. 

How can parents be sure a day-care provider is safe? What type of training do day-care aides receive? The answer is scary—very little.

 

After speaking with receptionists at two well-known daycare providers, no training is required for aides. It seems an industry standard that only a high school diploma, background check, and references are required. The Illinois DCFS website does not require much more of day-care aides. After the aide is hired some procedural training may be given annually.

 

Hopefully with the death of Benjamin Kingan, more attention will be paid to the training of day-care assistants and teachers. Of course, this attention seems unlikely. Aides make little more than ten dollars per hour. To require more training, many demand higher salaries. Day-care is already expensive.

The care and nurturing of a child are of the utmost importance. But it is of no real surprise that staff, who receive little or no training about child-care, might become enraged and unable to deal with a crying child.

I am happy Xuanie is out of daycare. That facility he was at hired A LOT of teacher aides who are college-students or even younger. In the afternoons, his “regular” teachers have gone home, and these aides are the ones watching the kids. Many a time, I saw them looking helpless and frustrated as the strain of the day takes its toll on the little ones and they become more hyper-active or cranky.

Daycare

Babies and Toddlers can be super annoying. They cry, they poop, they pee, they splatter, they destroy things etc etc. That’s because they are small and helpless. That’s because they are tiny beings unable to handle the world like we adults can. That’s because they are just learning the skills we adults take for granted ……

SO, if you ever want to be a teacher for young children, you had better be prepared for the worst!!

What’s my point? If you don’t genuinely love children, and by that, I mean you love them despite their senseless and incessant screaming,  despite their being dirty etc etc . . . and even if you genuinely love children, you had better be properly trained how to handle them physically, and emotionally, at the least. (Parents generally don’t pin high hopes on daycare teachers to provide too much of any intellectual education, so that part may be optional.)

Why am I blogging about this? Because I am deeply saddened by yet another baby who died at the hands of a care-giver who was entrusted with the responsibility of at least making sure the baby stays alive till his mother gets off work and pick him up from the daycare facility.

Mid-January, Baby Benjamin (1.5 year old) died after his daycare teacher hurled him to the ground in anger because he was noisy. He picked himself up, crawled up his bed and pulled the blanket over himself, and then never woke up. That’s in a Chicagoan suburb. He died of a fractured skull and internal bleeding.

I’m a mother. My heart aches whenever I hear/read of stories like this.

I have lots of things to say about daycare licensing and teacher-training. But, maybe not now . . . 

If anyone is reading this ever gets into a position to make a decision to protect a child, please do your part. Too many daycare centers have substitute teachers who are young and doing it merely to earn extra cash. The teachers are probably overworked, as childcare is a labor-intensive industry, but daycare owners want to cut costs whenever they can, so they hire the least number of teachers possible, and hire the cheapest teachers possible, to cater to the most number of kids possible.

The teacher in question is only 22. Much as I sympathize with her, I cannot but feel outraged. Who else has responsibility?

Daycare owners who are profit-minded are child abusers in one sense. Public centers often have  too little funds to manage well.  Child Services Dept should have more stringent rules . . . at the very least, those who are merely looking to earn extra cash should be advised to do waitressing, not handle babies or children.

Now that Xuanie is out of his daycare center, I will probably write something about the daycare facility, later.

To clarify a recent post

Got a response about a recent post, about the song ”他喜欢的是你.”

Hmm, well, that song makes me think of that girlfriend who kindly recommended me that song when I was down. Oh, those years when I lived single and with all those supportive floor-mates in the dorm. I miss those girlfriends and the time we spent together.

That song has a very catchy tune. Maybe I’ll upload it if I figure out how to, and if I get hold of the song. I post it because I like the song a lot. I sing and dance to it very often. And I think it’s melo-dramatic and funny.

Finally, that post has nothing to do with that guy . . . oh no, I mean, water under the bridge. YEARS ago. It’s UNimaginable that I should even have any more feelings for him. Yikes.

I know this is very trivial, and I really hope never to have to clarify myself this way again.

Totally random here

From time to time, this song comes back to my mind. It’s sung in Cantonese, so the lyrics may seem a little weird to those who can read Chinese but does not know Cantonese. A friend introduced me to this song when I was stupidly trying to get over someone who is totally not worth it. Ah, the stupidity and foolishness. Life went on, and things can be good again, and things go up and down as life goes on. One must go on, even in times when it seems impossible to go on . . .

 

他喜欢的是你

曲 : 彭海桐词 : 黄伟文编 : 刘祖德 演唱: 梁咏琪

为何力求完美 仍然被人嫌弃 即使花过无穷力气

但你挥挥手 不必喘气 就已得到他 没半点反击余地

如能共谐连理 闲言我也没理 只想得到 情人包庇

但我偏心卻待你偏心

竟选结果 犹豫内定 怎去共你比 就算不甘心输给你

都不得不下台 他喜欢的是你 如何尽情落力 来学你

仍没法扭转他的心理 看得起

就算花一生饰演你 演得多么细腻 无人伴我入戏

他想拥抱的是你

危难时就算抛开我 也为你展开两臂 (连夜排过的好戏 却留待你演出结尾)

为何别人能够 为何我却没

天资不够 如何补救

若我也似你 会扮作天真

也许有天 会得他 几秒着紧

How to Raise a Happy Child (and Human Being)

This is a question I’ve been tossing in my head, even before I became a mom.

While one’s well-being in later life is not simply a direct, one-factor consequence of how one is raised, whether one is a happy person must have something to do with how one’s parent(s) treat him/her.  

I believe that Xuanie is faring much better than what his mama has had as a child. Nevertheless, there’s still much to be improved.

Anyhow, some nuggests gathered from my random reads, among many others:

* Self-esteem (which is linked to, but not to be equated with the next one)

* Praise – moderately, not generically, not vague, un-attainable ones

* Positive attitude – towards everything (BEWARE negative criticisms)

* Resilience – can’t pamper the child overly

* Passion – should be allowed!

* Relationships (human beings not things, and definitely, not buy, buy, buy)

* Caring for others

* This one’s my own – care for self (Self-abnegation does not mean one cares about others, it only makes one ignorant of how to be happy, as I have learned.)

* Savor moments, just enjoy

* Laugh – at things/situations, about things/situations, even about people (but not at people). Just laugh, for it has physical benefits, if nothing else.

* Work – yes, do some good work, productive, useful work, always.

* Rest 

* God – last on this list here today, but His importance ranks #1. Have God in everything. In all things, revere Him.

Anyone reading this is welcome to add to my list, which is not exhaustive, for I am still thinking, thinking . . . and I know it might be a list for me too – how tobe a happy person from now on.

Counting down to 2009

Life continues as the new year is being heralded in. It’s not as if things come to a sudden cusp in time when midnight strikes on each Jan 1st of every new year. Nevertheless, it’s always a time for reflection and hopes, a time for a little prayer.

Among other things, I hope for a year of less violence and less evil. Maybe motherhood has made me more aware of the many perils and perversities done in different lands, to children, to grown-ups. I wish for a peaceful future (and present), for the sake of my child, and others’ children. At times, knowledge and thoughts of these big troubles in the world make me realize how petty so many things can be – others’ bad-mouthing, rude people etc. Reminds me to just brush off such people of questionable character. Reminds me to at least pray for those who are in real trouble, even when I am in a land unaffected.

I’m reminded of a song that inspired much great thoughts in me when I was in high school/secondary school. Have not forgotten this song all these years. It’s part of my prayer for the coming new year. And, in small capacities, I hope that myself, and my true friends, will do our part for peace.

A SONG OF PEACE

This is my song,

O God of all the nations,

A song of peace

For lands afar and mine.

This is my home,

My country where my heart is,

Here are my hopes, my dreams, my family,

But other hearts in other lands are beating,

With hopes and dreams

As high and true as mine

 

My country’s skies

Are bluer than the ocean,

And sunlight beams

On clover, leaf and pine.

But the other lands

Have sunlight too, and clover,

And skies are everywhere

As blue as mine.

 

O hear my song,

Thou God of all the nations,

A song of peace for their land and mine.

 

Music: FINLANDIA, Jean Sibelius 
Words: Lloyd Stone, Georgia Harkness, Bryan Jeffrey Leech 
Copyright 1930 by Breitkopf and Haertel, 1934, 1962, 1964 by Lorenz Publishing 
1976 by Fred Bock Music Company 

When u feel down

Whether it’s because of failed expectations, nasty people, uncontrollable circumstances …. just life itself, ha, ha.

Still, life must go on. One must do what needs to be done, in a nice way, in a responsible way, in a professional way. It’s ok to feel down.

I have friends who say they absolutely do not want any unhappy thoughts penned down on their blogs. I think it’s fine. If Little X. ever reads this blog, which is for him, it’s good for him to understand that life has its ups and downs. It’s natural. But you gotta do what you gotta do, and as best as you can, and do it knowing that it’s important to rejoice in the Lord always. (Phil 3:4).

“See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1Thess 5:15 – 18).