Poor Xuanie – he’s got a slightly neurotic mom who yells at him (and sometimes flares into loud naggings and complaints which baffle him). But, he’s also got a dad who does not know much about humoring little kids and often fly into a rage when he tries to get his dad’s attention with his strange antics.

I flew into a rage today when I burnt a “stew” that turned out to be some kind of roast/grilled meat. My fault totally but the strain of Xuanie insisting I sit down on the floor and “play” legos and cars with him all morning got to me. I apologized but I know I did some damage. Very bad example. Very bad way to show a kid how to handle a dish turned bad (a bad situation).

Xuanie’s response when I apologized was that “The Lord Jesus does not like it when Papa and Mama get angry.” “No good” as he always says. Then he tried to feed me lunch, just as I feed him. I believe he knows that feeding someone is an act of love. I asked if he was mad at Mama for flaring up. He said, “No.” Sincerely, I could see.

This is but one instance of evidence of me as a bad mom.

I was telling the story of “The Little Matchstick Girl” (by Andersen) to Xuanie. I said it’s very sad that no one around bothered to give her some warm clothes or bring her in from the cold to give her some food. Xuanie said we should travel to where she lives and bring her home. He said he has many clothes and books and toys to share with her. She could sleep in our room and live with us.

Thank God for a kind heart in Xuanie. That was what I prayed for when was pregnant with him. I want him to be a good person.

There are times I get all exasperated because he refuses to learn the alphabets and numeric symbols. He does not pronounce many sounds right. Most of the time, I’m the only person who can understand what he’s saying. Frankly, I have to admit that speech-wise, he is delayed (compared to similar-age peers).

But, I need to give him time and let him learn at his own pace. He’s super observant and creative. He’s not an idiot. I should cherish him for what he is. That’s one lesson I have learned. Actually, no matter how delayed he is, I will love him with all my heart. Never mind if he never makes it to any gifted program or earn millions. He is a wonderful being, with a good heart, and I thank God.

Xuanie loves “boyish” toys, like trucks and cars. But, he also has gradually developed a liking for “girly” toys. He always wants to get a princess or two whenever we’re at some store that sells toys. He has requested that we should get him a Barbie set that he saw on a TV commercial.

Today, we went to MacDonald’s to get a toy (Happy Meal). When asked if it’s for a boy or a girl, I told the guy at the counter that it’s for a boy but he wants a girl toy. Yup, Xuanie saw the Strawberry Shortcake series and wanted the girl toy instead of the mechanical tools by Nerf, for the boys. So he got a pink pony with long flowy hair and a toy comb (something called “Pinkie Pie”??) He was very pleased and have been playing with it all day.

Mama: It’s not good to drink a lot of cola.

Xuanie: Just drink a little bit

Mama: Yes, just a little is okay.

Xuanie: But if we add lots of water, we can drink a lot of cola.

Told this to the dad, and he laughs, saying what a little “idiot” our son is.

But this is similar to how kids under/around 3 years of age believes that a pizza cut into 10 pieces means more pizza to eat than one cut into just 5 pieces. Piagetian theories about conservation.

Xuanie watched Ratatouille, the Disney  cartoon. At the scene when Remy the rat is looking out to a scene with the Eiffel Tower and the lights of Paris, Xuanie exclaims that “It’s beautiful (好漂亮)!” Then he told he me wanted to go there, that I should bring him there.

A couple of weeks later, he chanced upon a guidebook of the London Eye that we have in the house, and he saw sights of London beyond the Thames. Again, he said “It’s beautiful!” and that I should bring him there. He said that scene is like that one in Ratatouille.

So I asked him which one he prefers, and he said, “London.”

Xuanie 想妈妈. That’s what Xuanie says to me every time I pick him up from nursery school.  How sweet, down to my heart. I miss Xuanie too, every second that he’s away from me and that’s true.

“Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”

Saw this quote on a Facebook friend’s status a while ago. There are many different sources that this quote  have been attributed to. Who said it first is not so important, at least not for me.

I don’t dare to count myself as having much success by most standards. I got some things I wanted (like traveling to so many places that many new places simply cease to impress me anymore). As for “wanting what I get,” I think I can say I have some things in my life right now that I am deeply, deeply grateful to God for.

Xuanie is definitely a big portion of that part of my life. When I look at him, when I watch him, when I interact with him . . .  my heart is just filled with gratitude that God granted me such a BIG little one as a present. Right from the first hours since he was born, I am totally in love and gratitude.

I hope this bit of information will be a source of strength for Xuanie, sometime in the future. For he is loved, and cherished. And he brings much happiness to mama.

Xuanie has absolutely no understanding that sounds can be orthographically represented. So, while he’s able to count from 1 to 10, he simply fails to recognize the numbers “1, 2, 3 ….” when graphically represented. He has even learned from a Chinese program that “1″ is a “pencil,” “2″ is a “duck” etc., and could recite it, but when tested, he can’t tell “1″ from “2″ or any other numbers. Of course, he does not know his A, B, Cs.

He’s among the youngest in his class. Only 3 others, out of  29, are younger than he is. I know one of his classmates, a Chinese boy, knows his 1 to 20, and A to Z, plus all the names of the planets. In comparison, X. really seems like a retard ….

My consolation is that he seems to possess great kinetic intelligence. He’s able to tackle all the difficult monkey bars etc that boys of his age can’t handle.

B. told me to take it easy, and yes, I know that knowing numbers and alphabets are not indicative of future success in anything. I’m just worried that he simply has a lazy streak like his mom, who didn’t care to learn her A, B, Cs till she was 7, and the only thing she remembered from kindergarten is a song that she now sings for her son.

Xuanie is enrolled in a private nursery school about 8 min drive from where we live. Twice a week, 2.5 hours each.

He simply loves it. They have a big indoor play-area with a lot of trucks and bikes that the kids can ride and peddle. That’s Xuanie’s favorite station for the morning’s free-play session. Every morning, he wakes up and asks if we’re going to school that day.

The teachers told me he does not cry, unlike many other kids, most of whom are older than him (since he is not 3 yet, and does not quite meet the age requirement of most nursery schools). I guess the daycare episode has trained him well. He knows Mama will come back for him.

I was told he’s very quiet and would simply observe, never actively participating. Knowing him, when he’s quiet and observing, I know he’s enjoying himself, and taking in things and processing them. Of course, he tells me a thing or two when he comes home, e.g. asking me to sing the songs he learnt at school. I gotta go ask the teachers what songs they sing, since X.’s singing is not quite intelligible to me yet, neither the lyrics nor the melodies.

May Xuanie grow to appreciate and understand the most precious gift he can ever ever ask for in this lifetime: Knowing God and be saved by the Lord Jesus and have Him as Lord all through this life.

Song by “Stream of Praise” 讚美之泉

這一生最美的祝福

在無數的黑夜裡 我用星星畫出你

你的恩典如晨星 讓我真實的見到你

在我的歌聲裡 我用音符讚美你

你的美好 是我今生頌揚的

這一生最美的祝福 就是能認識主耶穌

這一生最美的祝福 就是能信靠主耶穌

走在高山深谷 祂會伴我同行

我知道這是最美的祝福